During the last summer that A and I ever spent together, his final summer, we talked about everything. In that space, he and I were able to share the deepest and most vulnerable moments we ever had. We talked about everything. We talked about the future we had envisioned that would now never materialize. We talked about all of our dreams for our life together. He told me about how he wanted me to go on after his death. He told me his hopes and dreams for me once he would no longer be here. Having had so many of these deep conversations during his sleepless nights, I truly thought I knew all there was to know. And yet, after A passed, as I sat in the living room of the palliative care home where we had spent the last week of his life, his family asked me about his wishes for the funeral and I was stunned.
I had no idea what he wanted.