Podcast Episode Transcript: From the Classroom to the Prep Room: A New Generation of Funeral Directors Is Ready to Lead

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Welcome to the Remembering a Life podcast. I'm your host, Gail Marquardt. Every month we gather to talk about life, death, and how we want to be remembered today speaking with Leili McMurrough, a program director and president of Worsham College of Mortuary Science, and Sioux Westby, a student at Worsham College of Mortuary Science. Welcome, Leili and Sioux. I'm so happy you could join me today.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
I'm so happy to be here, Gail. Thank you for having me.

SIOUX WESTBY:
Yes, thanks for having us, Gail.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
So, Leili, let's start out, tell me a little bit about Worsham College of Mortuary Science.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
Oh, absolutely. Worsham College has really been a cornerstone in funeral service education since 1911. We're located just outside of Chicago and our focus is very intentional. We're exclusively a mortuary science school, so that really means everything we do, every course, every lab is really centered on preparing future funeral professionals. We offer both in-person and online accredited port programs and we're incredibly proud of our faculty, most all who are licensed funeral directors and embalmers, and I believe that our students leave with more than just a degree. They really leave with confidence, hands-on experience and a strong sense of purpose.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
That's awesome. How many graduates do you have every year?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
We are one of the larger programs in the country, and we typically graduate between a hundred to 120 students each year across our programs, and I really think that there's a deep responsibility to shape that next generation of funeral service professionals. We have students from all over the United States and they come to Worsham because of I think our experienced faculty and our commitment to innovation and education.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
How has your programming changed perhaps recently in the last decade? As things continue to evolve in the profession and the offerings continue to be more diverse, how has your education shifted to prepare students for those unique things that we have in the profession today?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
That's a great question because I think that it's kind of shifted in two ways. I think first the student of today really has a need for different modalities. So for a very long time, Worsham was just an on-campus program. It's only in the last six years that we've even offered an online program. What we really found is that the student of today really couldn't come to school Monday through Thursday in this kind of very strict fashion. They needed a little bit more flexibility with their education. So I think that's one of the shifts that we've seen now that has kind of put in some new challenges as far as kind of bringing that practical training in and making sure that the realities of the job are really given to the students as well. So we've spent a lot of time trying to build in practical training online, which I know almost sounds like. How do you do that? We do a lot of sessions with the students. We kind of bring in things like essentially a version of celebrant training. We bring in a version of making sure that the students are doing videos and communicating. We do arrangement conferences with them. We practice first calls, so we've had to kind bring that hands-on training, but doing through video and making sure we're connected that way.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Tell us a little bit more about celebrant training, because not all of our listeners may know what that is.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
So celebrant training is really a way. What we've actually done is integrated the theory behind celebrant training into one of our first classes. One of the first classes students take with us is a cremation class and really teach that class as a funeral directing class because to me and kind of what we believe is that cremation is just part of the question, it's part of the disposition. So it should be cremation and the celebrant training element. What we really do with that, as we call it, the power of presence and making sure that the students are able to eulogize and think about the families that they're serving and really act as that standin to be able to articulate the value and to be able to kind of run a service. So we do that with the students first semester. So they really get that understanding that to direct means to direct a service and that can come in many different formats, and that being able to be comfortable to assert your presence, to be able to direct and lead. And to me that's kind where celebrant training comes in, where it's this idea and ability to kind of connect the dots for the family and also to lead them through the process and to be able to stand in front of them and offer that value to them

GAIL MARQUARDT:
And to make the service truly meaningful as well.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
Absolutely. To go beyond just when we say personalization, it's so much more than that. It's to take elements of that individual and infuse it through the entire service. It really acts so that the funeral director can almost feel like they're part of the family.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
That's wonderful. So I understand you have had a rather unique career path that has brought you to where you are today. Tell me about that.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
It definitely has been a winding road. I'll say that I started my career actually in law school with a job at the district attorney's office. My goal and my kind of idea was really always to help people, but I found that there was just kind of this missing element as well too. And when I found out there was a mortuary school essentially right where I was going to law school, I ended up going to law school Monday through Thursday and then mortuary school over the weekend. And I think what I really found is that I am incredibly proud to serve as the president of Worsham College, and it's really guided through the law background has really guided me through all these different roles, and the unique piece is that I'm always guided by this belief in service, whether it's through the law, whether it's through helping families, whether it's helping our students or mentoring even funeral directors or our future professionals. It's been this kind of crazy path, but it's always been kind of with this underlying sense of I can't wait to see people do more and to achieve more and to help them. And I never expected to land in funeral service, but I honestly couldn't imagine doing anything else.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
I hear that so many times from people that they've either had one or two careers before or they've always wanted to be in funeral service but didn't pursue it, and now they are finally where they feel like they need to be. So Sioux, along that line, what led to your decision to go into funeral service?

SIOUX WESTBY:
Well, I started working at a funeral home about six years ago as an administrative assistant. I never really intended to go to school to become a funeral director. It just kind of happened naturally. I found my way into the industry and found that love and passion for it. I've met a lot of really wonderful funeral directors from working in the funeral industry. That really helped guide me to finding that passion and helped persuade me that I should take a chance on myself.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
That's great. So I understand you are one of the people who is taking advantage of those virtual classes.

SIOUX WESTBY:
That is correct. I am a hundred percent online.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
And how does that work? As Leili mentioned, it's a little different type of program when it's virtual, but how has that worked for you as far as being in mortuary science?

SIOUX WESTBY:
It has its pros and its cons. The really good thing about being an online student is the flexibility. I don't have to be on at a certain class at a certain time. I really have the control to choose when I do the lessons, how long I spend on each lesson before transitioning to another class. A con would be you kind of do miss that interaction between the professor and the students or even the other students. There's just kind of that screen between you and them.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
But I imagine for some people and perhaps yourself, this is really the best way to complete that education. So it's probably nice that that's offered.

SIOUX WESTBY:
That is very nice as a full-time mom and a full-time administrative assistant and now a full-time student, I don't think that for me, it would've been possible to go back to school. Having to go in person online really made that bridge to where this could happen for me.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
That's great. So in your work at the funeral home as an administrative assistant, has your role evolved at all? Are you doing some other things in the funeral home that would be more reflective of what you'll be doing as a licensed funeral director?

SIOUX WESTBY:
Yes, I have been able to kind of usher in families, talk to them, get more of a feel of how the funeral director interacts with the families that come into the funeral home. Prior to starting school, I did a lot of behind-the-scenes work. I'm able to go in and actually sit with the funeral directors now and kind of learn through watching them and help the families make decisions, which is really nice.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Do you have a goal when you become a licensed funeral director? I know some funeral directors work more front of the house with those arrangements, more are interested in the embalming part of things, kind of the back room. Do you have any particular idea of what you'd like to focus on or do you want to do it all?

SIOUX WESTBY:
I really like the idea of being able to do it all. At the funeral home that I work at currently, they do have that divide, and I've spent the past six years kind of more in the front of the house. Because of school, I've been able to see the behind the scenes in the prep room, and I really do enjoy being back there to help create a lasting impression before the service for the families. I've really enjoyed the restorative art aspect, and I think that for me, that is something that I would like to hone in on and really learn a lot about the restorative art aspect that is encompassed with embalming.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
So the times that I've talked to people who are in mortuary science, whether they're a student or they're a licensed funeral director, a lot of them say, oh, I was really hesitant about the embalming at first. How was that for you when you first started to learn about embalming, see an embalming? Was it comfortable for you right away or did you have to ease into that?

SIOUX WESTBY:
So it was very different because I do work in a funeral home. Before I even started Worsham, I talked with our president and told her I'd really like to kind of just go in and see what happens and what goes on in the embalming room because I had never seen anything like that before and I wasn't sure if that's something that I could handle. It was pretty overwhelming at first, but it is something that it takes a lot of practice and patience to kind ease into. Through the school, I've been able to actually start participating in embalmings and it is a learning process and there are still some times where it can feel overwhelming, but it is something that you just kind of learn to go with the flow.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
So is embalming one of your favorite classes that you've taken, or what are some of your favorite classes and which classes have been the most challenging? Maybe they're the same one.

SIOUX WESTBY:
They are the same ones. Actually, my favorite classes have been embalming and restorative art and chemistry and anatomy, and those are also the classes that take the most time, at least for me to hone in on and get a grasp of the concepts. I spend a lot of time studying and going through the material, and it is very time consuming, but it's also very rewarding, especially when you get a good grade on one of your quizzes. That is a really great feeling.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
I bet. So Lily, our research shows that at least 75% of mortuary science students are women and that roughly 30% are people of color. Is that what you're seeing at Worsham?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
You know what? Absolutely. And I think we'll just take a moment. I mean, you're talking to one of our students. Sue is kind of the epitome of our new student, and we couldn't be more proud of her, and just listening to her made me so proud. As she's talking about the challenges that she's seeing and kind is stepping into that role. I mean, when you think about this, this profession is changing and in many ways it's kind of catching up to where society is already heading. Funeral service to me is deeply rooted in this kind of very emotional work, and I think women often bring empathy, cultural awareness and communication skills that families really find meaningful. Also, I think that we're finally in a space now where we're calling this career more of a calling versus just a family trade. So it opens a door to a much more diverse generation of professionals like Sioux, like myself.

I mean, I'm also a first generation funeral director that kind of found this and was drawn to it, and it's interesting, even what Sioux was talking about where it's like she started the work out front and kind of being facing and talking to families and working through that piece of it, but has yet found so much value in the work that goes on behind the scenes to make that a full experience, to make that lasting impression. So she is exactly who we're seeing. Not only do our most recent data, say that last year we graduated 75% women across the country. Last year at war it was 80% women. I also find that the modality of online education provides an actual opportunity for a lot of women, especially women with children, to be able to go to school.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Yeah. So you talked about first-generation funeral directors. What percentage do you estimate of your students are first-generation as opposed to being part of the family business?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
90%. 90% of our students are first generation. I think that's one of the more kind of shocking statistics in a sense, because we have this real image, an idea of who a funeral director is, and it is this idea that's kind of been passed down, handed down over generations, and that is not the case anymore. Your new funeral director is a woman and she's new to the profession and she brings fresh eyes, she brings fresh perspective, and I think is really here to, not challenge, but to really kind of look at what can we do differently? How can we serve families in new ways? And I think it's exciting.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Well, they're not coming in without those established norms of their family funeral home, right? They're coming in fresh.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
Yes, and it's interesting because I think that's a twofold, right? So what I notice is that in my tenure here, you're not having the same conversations of, oh, at my funeral home it's like this. So that generational kind of institutional knowledge where you might share things like that isn't happening as much anymore at the college level where it used to, and even to Sioux's point, those kind of conversations that are happening now are building connections with each other, learning about each other versus practical pieces. I think where that kind of becomes challenging is then when they go into the field and when they start working, that kind of working knowledge isn't there as it used to be.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Along those same lines, do you have a lot of students who are choosing funeral service as a second or third career, perhaps people who are coming from other service oriented professions like nursing or law enforcement or teaching?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
It's really interesting. We have two kind of tracks of students. We have one track that are just newly out of high school, new young, and have just kind of been drawn to this profession. Then we have really the other track, and it's not uncommon for our students to be in their thirties, forties, or even older. Many of them do have that background in nursing, first response, teaching, ministry, the military. We have a lot of dental technicians that come in, and what I noticed though is that a lot of these careers have one thing in common, and that is that real sense of service to others. I think that when these individuals in particular kind of discover funeral service, it feels like a natural extension of the work they've already been doing just in a different context, and honestly, they bring such depth to the classroom and to the profession.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
I bet, and there are a lot of people who I know from an early age that they want to be a funeral director. I remember in high school I had a classmate who was just absolutely positive, “I'm going to be a funeral director.” It was not the family business. Of course, everyone looked at him kind of odd, but he is a funeral director today and co-owner of a funeral home here in the Milwaukee area. Some people know right away that they want to do this. What would you say for people who are kind of on the fence or unsure or maybe don't even know much about funeral service, what characteristics, skills or attributes make someone well suited for a career in funeral service?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
That is a great question. I always say that this work is not for everyone, but when it's for you, it's really for you. The most successful funeral directors tend to be compassionate, detail oriented, emotionally intelligent, and probably the most important, incredibly adaptable. You need to be calm in a crisis and yet be able to guide people through some of the most difficult days of their lives. It's also, I think, probably even more important than being adaptable is you must be a good listener. Sometimes what a family needs isn't necessarily just a solution, but just a place to be heard. So if you're someone who finds meaning in being that kind of steady presence, a funeral service could absolutely be a calling for you.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
So how does Worsham prepare students for that real world of being a funeral director, which of course often ends up being a 24/7/365 kind of job. How do you set those expectations?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
Well, I think we do it a couple ways. First, we really believe in training the person as a whole. So it's not just the book work. We always try to bring in the real life aspects. Most all of our instructors are licensed funeral directors and embalmers and bring in real world applications of what they're doing. I will say that there is that moment where we tell them the phone is going to ring at two in the morning. It's very different when the phone actually rings at two in the morning. But I think we do our best to kind of set the students up for success. One of the things that we found in particular, and this is not for Sioux, but some of our students that were coming in that had no funeral home experience, even something as simple as answering the phone a was a barrier for them because a lot of them didn't grow up with a landline, weren't practicing answering the phones, weren't really familiar with that, and also rather uncomfortable taking a first call or answering questions over the phone.

So what we kind of put in place is we have all of our students practice taking first calls. So we start off with first call number one is kind of very calm and easy. We'll repeat things. We're kind by the time we get to the third one, if they say something like, “I'm sorry for your loss.” We might say, “How dare you? You didn't know my brother.” Just trying to kind of take them off guard just a little bit. By the time we get to the last first call, we might give a doctor's name with 10 syllables and just say, “Figure it out.” So we're trying to give them that sense of there's not a script for everything that we do in funeral service. You've got to just try. You've got to show up, you've got to ask the questions. You've got to be curious, and so we bring in a lot of the hands-on for our students.

Every single student goes through what we call a removal lab as well, because I'm first generation as well. It sounds simple enough to do something like a transfer where it's like you need to actually put the individual on a cot and move them. Cots are different to many different types of cots. We have students practice with that, practice with different types of vehicles because Sioux even mentioned earlier too, it's about practice. It's about bringing all of those skills together and seeing how you can work them together. We try to focus on that. All these things are interconnected, that yes, embalming and restorative art, those are such important pieces, but hand in hand with that is good communication, making sure that you are working in an ethical manner, making sure that you're also taking care of yourself. We talk about burnout boundaries and the importance of having support systems. So what we really try to do here is just we want the students to understand what this work demands, but also how to sustain it for a long and healthy career.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Yeah, it sounds like you kind of throw 'em in on the deep end before they even graduate, but also tell them how to manage those challenges. That's great.

SIOUX WESTBY:
Absolutely.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
So Sioux, when do you graduate?

SIOUX WESTBY:
I graduate in just a few months. My last semester starts in about three weeks.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Wow. Congratulations. What are you taking in your final semester?

SIOUX WESTBY:
My last semester, I think I have about six courses, not including the professional review and the practicums. I'll be taking microbiology and pathology, restorative art two and accounting class, grief counseling and aftercare, computer applications. So it'll be a whole soup kind of mix.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Wow, that is quite a variety and quite a big heavy course load for your last semester. I wish you all the best in that and your future career.

SIOUX WESTBY:
Thank you.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
So I have one more question for each of you, because this is a podcast about remembering the lives of people we love. Who are you remembering today? Leili, would you like to start?

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
Absolutely. I'll tell you, we actually used the Talk of a Lifetime cards, and one of the things that I did actually did it with my grandfather, and today I am remembering my grandfather. He was someone who taught me without even trying really what it meant to show up for people. He wasn't in funeral service, but he had this quiet presence that made people just feel seen. I think of him often, especially when I'm working with students who are just beginning to find their way in this field. He reminds me of why this work matters.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Oh, that's wonderful. What a beautiful tribute to him. And Sioux, how about you? Who are you remembering today?

SIOUX WESTBY:
Today I am remembering my dear friend Miranda. Miranda was a funeral director that I met early on when I started working in the industry, and she really was the epitome of what an understanding and compassionate funeral director is. She quickly became my best friend, and unfortunately, about three years ago, she passed away from Hodgkin's Lymphoma. So I am remembering her.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
Oh, thank you for sharing that. I know that your work is going to honor her life in really beautiful ways, so thank you for sharing that story, and thank you both for joining me today. This was a great discussion to learn a little bit more about how mortuary science school works and your experiences, Sioux, are amazing and very enlightening. So really appreciate both of you joining me today.

LEILI MCMURROUGH:
Thank you, Gail. It was such a pleasure

SIOUX WESTBY:
To be here. Thank you so much for having us.

GAIL MARQUARDT:
For more information about Worsham College of Mortuary Science, visit worsham.edu. And for more information about careers and funeral service, visit remembering a life.com/careers. There you'll also see a great quiz that can help identify whether a career in funeral service might be right for you.