Putting the "Fun" in Funeral Service Camp Episode Transcript

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Welcome to the Remembering a Life podcast. I'm your host, Holly Ignatowski. Today we're talking about summer camp, but this isn't your typical summer camp. We won't be talking about hikes in the woods or whitewater rafting trips. No. Instead, these campers are learning all about cremation and the basics of caring for the deceased and their family. There's a field trip too, but this one is to a cemetery. Joining me are the founders of the camp Madeline Lyles and Dana Taylor. Madeline and Dana are co-owners of Afterlife mortuary services, L L C in Memphis, Tennessee as a team. They're the first women in the city of Memphis and the state of Tennessee to establish own and operate a funeral home. I can't wait to dive in and learn more about this very unique camp. Welcome Madeline and Dana, and thank you so much for joining me today.

MADELINE LYLES:
Thank you for having us. Thank you for having us.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Madeline, I'm going to start with you. Okay. What inspired you to start a funeral service for summer camp for kids?

MADELINE LYLES:
Well, it was the year 2014, and I was managing another funeral home at the time, and it was really, really slow. And so we were trying to come up with ways to get people into the funeral home so that they could see the facility and hopefully desire to have services rendered there. And so while I was sitting there thinking about things, more ways to get people in, I thought about the children and the youth and I'm like, well, we could do bouncers and stuff like that, or a picnic or a fun day in the parking lot. But then I kind of just sat there a little longer and I'm like, why don't we do our camp? We can have summer camp. Since it was slow, nothing else was going on. I'm like, we would have time to allocate to young adults who are interested in working in death care.

And so I began to jot down all of my associations that I had with individuals I've worked with in the past. And so I came up with the medical examiner's office, our Mary organization here, the Medical Education Research Institute. I came up with the death investigators and homicide investigators as well, and the cemeterians and different professionals who I could contact. And so I reached out to them and gave them the idea, asked them if it would be okay if we brought a group of individuals, young adults by to engage and learn more about those professions. And they were all on board. And so I decided to just put it together and pitch it to the public. And it actually didn't pan out in 2014. Only one person responded, and so it didn't take place. So I just held onto the idea and once Dana and I opened our funeral home, we went over it again as something to do for the summer and it was a success and we've been doing it ever since 2019.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And Dana, tell us a little bit about the camp. What are the ages of the campers and how long is it?

DANA TAYLOR:
The ages for the camp are 12 years old to 18 years old. We've kind of tweaked the ages over the years based off of the response that we get from the public because we want to definitely be inclusive for all the children that are interested in attending. And the camp initially ran two weeks, but due to Covid, we brought it down to one week. We wanted to basically ease back into the longer camp to make sure that the families and the attendees are comfortable basically with the settings that we go into after Covid has gone away. So right now it's one week, but we would like to eventually get back to two weeks, but it still works good with one week so far. So we are definitely pleased with that.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And Madeline, you mentioned the first year you had one camper. What about now? How many campers are you up to each year?

MADELINE LYLES:
So now we have anywhere from nine to 12, and that's actually something that Dana and I gauge. We have way more applicants, but we kind of gauge it off of vehicles, transporting for the field trips that we have off site and things like that. So we kind of limit it a little bit now since it's just she and I. But we do want to grow it in the future and have volunteers or have some employees to help us so that we can have at least 20 or more camp attendees.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Well, you're both from Tennessee, this is taking place in Tennessee. Where do these kids come from? Are they all from Tennessee or do they come from other parts of the country as well?

MADELINE LYLES:
Yeah, so we were so surprised this past camp. We actually had a young lady to come from Macon, Georgia, which was really a blessing to us. We were just so amazed that the news had spread so far. A lot of our other camp attendees, they come from Starksville, Mississippi, olive Branch, Mississippi, and then different parts of Tennessee. So the young lady from Macon, Georgia, she's the farthest camp attendee we've had thus far. But the news is spreading across the globe.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
The word is definitely getting out. Absolutely. Is this camp, is it for kids who are interested in a career in funeral services or can any child participate? Who's your target audience?

MADELINE LYLES:
Yes, the main target is all children because we want, like I said before, we want to be inclusive and basically offer them insight on different careers that they possibly hadn't even thought about. But of course, a lot of the that we do attract are already interested in funeral service. So that is always a plus because they kind of have an idea of what we do or what they may look forward to in the camp, but we definitely try to keep it to open to all individuals that may be interested just to put something positive out there for the youth in our community.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So this is a very unique career camp then, for sure.

MADELINE LYLES:
Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So Dana, let's talk about it. Let's talk about this camp. You say it's a week long. What do the kids learn? What are they doing while they're at camp? Take us through a typical day or week of camp.

DANA TAYLOR:
Okay. I can go through some of the things that I can think of right off the top of my head. We definitely allow them to learn what we do on a daily basis as far as being funeral directors and embalmers, we definitely brief over how we do death certificates. We brief over how we do meet with families, and we also allow them to, sometimes when we have enough business, we allow them to see us embalming someone if possible. We also, we take them to the crematory to allow them to actually see a cremation take place, and they run them through the entire process from start to finish. In the past, we've had individuals come from the Navy that are morticians for the US Navy to let them know about that possibility. We have them speak with casket salesman as well as another option for a career.
And we take them to the local cemetery, which is a historic cemetery, Elmwood Cemetery here in Memphis. We go on the tour and allow them to see all of the history that's right here locally that a lot of people do not even know about. So that's always a good experience as well. And we let them talk to a homicide detective in the past from the local police department as a career option as well as the medical examiner's office, we had an investigator come and talk to them about what they do. And I feel like I'm missing someone Northwest. Yes. Oh yeah, definitely the northwest Mississippi Community College where me and Mel both graduated from their funeral service program. We take the students there, so they're able to walk around the classrooms and meet the head of the department there and just go through the classrooms, go through their labs and see how the students there operate on a daily basis at the college.

Another fun part is the deaf calls. We do mock deaf calls with each of 'em throughout the course of the summer camp where we wait until about two or three o'clock in the morning to call them and see who's going to answer the phone, who's going to answer properly and collect the information as if a person had passed or who's going to miss the call, who's going to try to call back. And so that's always a highlight as well. We all get to tease each other, tease them about who didn't answer the phone or who sounded half sleep and who was punctual or in response to receiving the information.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So you really do put the fun in the funeral service then for this.

DANA TAYLOR:
Exactly. Exactly.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So as an adult, I would find some or most of the things that you just talked about rather challenging. How do these kids handle it? What is their response?

MADELINE LYLES:
They love it. They totally love it. And when campus is over, they're like, can we stay an extra day? Can we come back next week? Can we work funerals with you all? So it's kind of like, it's really neat to see how with the start of each session that we have each summer they come in and they're kind of shy with each other, kind of quiet. And then by the last day of camp, you would think it was like a family. It's like you would think they all went to school together and knew each other for years, and they exchanged phone numbers and they're chatting with each other, they're hanging out with each other outside of camp. So it's really neat to see that we're not only preparing them for future careers, but we're establishing friendships with each of 'em as well that they actually value and they're seeing each other each summer. Our return attendees, they come back each summer and they're meeting new camp attendees. And so they're really establishing relationships with each other, but they enjoy every aspect of it. They get there in the mornings and they're like, what are we doing today? What are we going today? What are we got going on? So it's really neat just to see how they respond to it. And they're very intrigued.

They're very inquisitive about everything. And it's really interesting also to see how some of them respond to odors and certain death conditions. And so it is really neat just to see how they all, they take a hold of everything and they really enjoy it.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So Dana, talk about some of the changes that you notice in the kids as the week progresses now, obviously you just mentioned that kids come back year after year, so this isn't just a once in a lifetime opportunity.

DANA TAYLOR:
Yes, we definitely love to see the attendees return because that definitely means that we were able to reach them in some way. So we always welcome them back. And it's always good to see the new camp attendees that may not already know the other season attendees. They always start out shy like Madeline said, but it's always refreshing to see them kind of open up as the camp goes along and just to see the different personalities and see them blossom within just a small amount of time, it's always just really rewarding. That's basically part of the purpose of us doing the camps to be able to get to know different children that we otherwise would not have ran into anywhere else. And just to see how they respond to the different places that we take them and to the different individuals that come and talk to them.

And we always ask them after each trip they're asked what did they learn on the trip or what do they want to be? What do they think they want to be after meeting all these different individuals? So that's always great to see them open up and just to see those different funny personalities just really come to life, that's really, and we try to keep the space open. We don't try to run it like a school or be so strict on them because we definitely want them to feel comfortable with us. So that's really important for us. We want them to be themselves when they may feel like they can't be themselves anywhere else. We definitely want to give them that opportunity with us so that we can kind of be like a counselor, a mentor, someone they can call on even after the camp. And

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Madeline, you said that most of the kids are, they might be a little shy at first and then they really get into the camp. Have you ever been able to follow, I know this has only been going on since what, 2018 or so, but have you been able to follow some of the older kids to see if they actually follow through and continue with this particular career path?

MADELINE LYLES:
Absolutely. So we're of course Facebook friends with a lot of 'em and Instagram friends, and we talk on the phone, they text us. Some of them have had deaths to occur in their families, and so they call us to help to render services to their families, and we allow them to operate as funeral attendees and they really love that as well to be able to serve their families in that capacity. And then we do have a young lady, she's been with us since she was 13, her name's Madison, and Madison actually just moved into her dorm room yesterday at Northwest, and so she's going to be going into the funeral services program herself. Then we have another young lady who has gone into phlebotomy and she's doing phlebotomy and assistance in forensics at a hospital up in Chattanooga, Tennessee. And so they do stick to it, and that's really heart feeling to me to see that we're engaging with these children at such a young age and we get to watch them grow.
And like Dana said, we get to watch 'em blossom and just even in their personal lives, we get to see where they're going next and what they're doing career wise and education wise. And it's just really fulfilling to see that they're actually sticking with it because we know how hard it is and how hard it can be to be accepted as wanting to be a mortician or wanting to work in forensics or dealing with decedents, but they're sticking to it and they're going on in their careers and in their education towards those careers. And so it's really a blessing just to see that the camp is doing what it was designed to do to help cultivate and give them these headstarts into these careers, and they're actually taking it and running with it. So yeah, it's a blessing.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And Dana, even if these kids don't pursue a career or related career, what do you hope the campers get out of their participation during this week?

DANA TAYLOR:
Well, I definitely hope that they are opening their minds to just different possibilities for their future. And that's really another one of our purposes, just to allow them to know that even if they may feel that college is not the right route for them, some of the individuals that they meet did graduate high school and started to pursue their careers at that time, or they went to more of a technical school, they didn't actually go to formal college. So that is definitely part of the camp experience to be exposed to and learn about all of different routes that you can take to finding the career that you really want to be in. So that definitely is refreshing for me because we know that all children are not the same, and they may not all have the same goals as far as college may concerned, so it's definitely good to expose them to different individuals that are successful in their careers, but took alternate routes to get there. So that definitely I think motivates the children to know that they're not doing something wrong because they're not going this particular route. So there's still a way to get there. You just don't have to always go the traditional way.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And Madeline, how might participation in this camp help kids be more comfortable talking about not only death and funerals, but also the aspect of grief?

MADELINE LYLES:
It opens them up to being more comfortable to everything, to conversant about death and grief. They do share some of their personal stories, and it is kind of like not even something we have on our agenda, it's just in casual conversation when we're sitting around having lunch, they just go into conversation speaking with each other about different things or asking Dana, not questions, but they definitely have a comfort level and they have a better perspective. I think it really strengthens them in how they feel when they learn more of the terminology and they get to see different cases and get to hear different causes of deaths and things like that. And they may reflect on something personal or something they've heard of from a friend or someone else in their family, and it just gives them a different perspective. And I think it gives them more, like I said, more strength in engagement or in being open about grief and things like that. And they're really intelligent individuals for their, they have a lot of conversation for you. And so they're very, like I said, inquisitive and they're very open about a lot of things. And so it does create a great relationship and forum for communication about grief and handling death and things like that.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And Dana, I would imagine the marketing for this camp is pretty unique as a parent. Why would I choose to send my child to a funeral service camp?

DANA TAYLOR:
Well, with the marketing, we originally started out basically just on Facebook, and then Madeline was able to reach out to the news and get us basically a feature on the evening news. So this year has been surprisingly, I guess, I don't know, not overwhelming, but we've had a surprising number of people to reach out to us after the news article was shown on the tv. So a lot of parents are hoping that even they don't know, but they're hoping that their kids may be interested because they are finding it so interesting themselves to want to reach out to us to try to get their kids and grandkids into our camp. I think that they should want to send their kids to our particular camp because we're open, even if they're not quite interested in exactly what we're doing, the fact that they're being exposed to different careers, they're around two positive individuals that really just want to help mold them into outstanding individuals just in life period.

I think that's very important for any parent to know that we're not trying to force them into any particular career path, but we are definitely trying to help mold them into just wanting to be a successful, productive individual. And that's definitely our main goal other than exposing them to what we do and to the careers that surround us, we definitely just want them to be motivated and just want to set goals for their life. That's very important to us. And it's really funny too because, and Dana and I have been talking about putting something together for adults because they're really interested. As Dana said, the parents are kind of like, can we come? Is this something we can do? And it's kind of like, oh, they really, and we hear a lot of stories from the parents about how they desired to work in funeral services or forensics or something in deaf care when they were coming up and they were talked out of it by their families or by their spouses.

And so they love that this opportunity is available because no one is really available to cultivate this passion in these young adults when they tell their families that it's what they want to do. And so them knowing that there is a place they can go, they're really, really grateful and really excited about it and they want to engage in it as well. So we're trying to think of something we can put together for the adults to of course educate them and we'll go more so on legal aspects and things like that, and of course over the anatomy and everything, but we're looking to put something together for the adults as well so that they can engage and be educated as well when the time of death does arise in their families or when they're faced or wanting to know something that they've experienced already.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
I wondered about that. I wondered if you were going to put something together for an adult camp and how that would maybe be a little bit different than it is for kids. Have you formulated any of those ideas yet?

DANA TAYLOR:
Yes, we have, but we can't, can't disclose. So it's a surprise. So we'll put it out not too long from now. We just got to get a few things worked out as far as who will be engaging with the audience as well. So we do have a layout,

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So stay tuned for more information.

DANA TAYLOR:
But the adults have been reaching out asking what's the age limit, even though they may already know, but they're just trying and kind of slide in there somewhere. So we definitely, we hear the call and we definitely are going to answer the call because we feel like that's our mission just to our community and general service in general. We want to put the word out there and we always say we want to build a bridge, build a bridge between the gap for funeral services to families because we hear so many bad stories about what people think about just funeral service in general, and we just want to just shed the light that we're actually regular human beings and we're good people and we want to just educate the community around us as far as we can reach. We want to continue to educate and just help others to reach their full potential.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Madeline, what do you think the campers enjoy the most?

MADELINE LYLES:
I think what they enjoy the most is hands-on activities. We just went over restorative art, which we do with them every summer, but we incorporated a new prop this time where we had these heads or faces and I made a lot of lacerations and injuries on them. And so we were teaching them how to fill in wounds as if a person was shot multiple times or had knife stab wounds or lacerations and abrasions from vehicle accidents and things like that. And they really loved being hands-on. So learning how to apply wax and how to apply makeup and make things look natural, as well as just hands-on at the crematorium, feeling what cremates actually feel like as opposed to what they've seen in movies, how they just blow in the wind. They know now that there's actual fine pulverized bone fragments, and so there may be some bone fragments there. And they learned that there may be some metal pieces in those cremains at the end of the process that have to be pulled out with magnets and everything. So I really think they love the hands-on, and I also think they really love just the mystery until the mystery of each trip that we take the anticipation for whatever it is that we're going to do that day and they get to engage in it. I think that's what they love as well.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Dana, what surprises them the most, do you think?

DANA TAYLOR:
Surprise. I would have to say the sprint story. I think that's a big surprise because of course most of them have already heard of cremation, but to actually see it take place and see the entire process from someone in the land in that alternative container and actually just being processed from start to finish, I think that's the main time that we see some jaws dropping when we, so that's always interesting to see and the way that they are so receptive of it and just they're glued to it and they have their complete attention. So that's always the biggest surprise I think, for them. But they always just take it so well and they're asking questions and just really learning from that experience. But I do think that's the biggest shock for them.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And I'll start with you, Madeline. What is your favorite part of the camp?

MADELINE LYLES:
My favorite part of the camp, let's see. I love it all. I guess just our engagement with the young adults because like I said, we go over everything concerning death and funeral services and the different professions. But then just to kind of like Dana said, be mentors to them, kind of like big sisters to 'em and knowing that we're keeping them out of trouble for the time that we have them. We're engaging them in something positive and it's something they'll never forget. And also that we're establishing relationships with them between the professionals that they meet and these children, they're going to need letters of recommendations in the future. They're going to need apprenticeship locations in the future. And so having our colleagues engage with them and seeing them on a continuous basis each summer and establishing those relationships with them, I really love the fact that I know for sure we're paving the way for them. It won't be as hard as it was for us coming up in the profession, trying to fit in somewhere and get an apprenticeship done or get those letters of recommendation so they're being in contact with these professionals who are in place to help them in the future. That's what I really love.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Dana.

DANA TAYLOR:
My favorite part, I definitely would have to say getting to know the different children. And similar to what Mal said, we didn't have this opportunity coming into our careers, so this is just so rewarding for me just to just have this opportunity and have this platform to be able to nurture them and let them know that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in funeral service, like what we do is necessary. So that's probably my favorite part, just to be able to let them be themselves and grow into exactly who they want to be without any negative outside influences getting in the way or steering them in a different direction. Just being able to be there and offer, this is really my favorite part of everything, just the overall thought of the opportunity that they have that was not available before now.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And we ask all of our guests this question. Who are you remembering today? We'll start with you, Madeline,

MADELINE LYLES:
Today. I would say my mom and my brother, who I always remember. I think they would be really proud of where I am now and what I'm doing within my career. Just reaching beyond providing funeral services, but actually engaging the community and helping the community. So yeah, I think my mom and my brother who both passed one in 2012 and won in 2013.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Dana, who are you remembering?

DANA TAYLOR:
I'm remembering my dad today. To me, he was just a pioneer in his own right. He was a defense attorney and he started off by basically volunteering his services in the community directly around him. He came up in a time where it was pretty hard for him to just overcome certain obstacles, but he did that anyway in the face of adversity. Coming from a family of nine siblings with little means he made it. And I just really feel like I got a lot of my tenacity and just my go get 'em spirit from him. So I always try to channel how opportunities are more present now, and I try to make sure I take those opportunities every day that were not available years ago.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Well, thank you so much Madeline and Dana for joining me today and educating us about this unique camp that's changing attitudes about funeral service.

MADELINE LYLES:
Thank you. Thank you for having us

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
To learn more about this amazing camp for kids and see some great photos of the camper's experience. Visit remembering a life.com/podcast and click on this episode or follow Remembering a Life on Facebook, Instagram.

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