The UK's Most Eligible Funeral Director: A Conversation With Freddie Powell Episode Transcript
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Welcome to the Remembering a Life podcast. I'm your host, Gail Marquardt. Today I'm talking with Freddie Powell, a first generation funeral director in Salford, a city in Greater Manchester, England in the UK. Freddie is probably best known for his appearance on Love Is Blind UK, a number one reality show on Netflix that explores whether it's possible to find love, sight unseen. Freddie is definitely challenging the stereotype of what a funeral director is, and I can't wait to dive in.
Welcome Freddie, and thank you for joining me today.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Hello. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
So let's start out with the basics. How long have you been in funeral service?
FREDDIE POWELL:
I've worked in funeral care for nine years now. Yeah, so I've worked in the funeral service for nine years.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
And I understand funeral service does not run in your family as it does in some, so what inspired you to choose it as a career?
FREDDIE POWELL:
Do you know what? I'd say nothing's ever really phased me. I've always kind of been open to most things and I am a deeply empathetic person ever since I was growing up, I've always wanted to look after people. I've always wanted to care for people. It's just kind of been instilled in me who I'm as a person. And yeah, it's like I say, nothing's ever phased me, and I feel like the role of not just a funeral director, but just in the funeral industry in general, just the idea of supporting people, supporting families during times if need, being compassionate and being able to give an opportunity to a family to be able to say goodbye to their loved one just kind of gives me comfort and it's something that, yeah, I just find that I knew I'd get job satisfaction from it.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
So it sounds like it was a bit of a calling for you. That's wonderful. Here in the United States, there are still stereotypes of what funeral directors are like. People here usually visualize a middle-aged man, and he's usually, it's kind of depressing and grim. Are there similar stereotypes in the UK?
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah, I mean, I'd say so. I feel like whenever I speak to somebody, whenever I speak to family or friends or people that don't quite know me and I explain to my funeral director, the response is always they take them back. They're quite surprised. And I've had comments where people have said, oh, I wouldn't expect you to be a funeral director. Or they might think I'm strange for some reason. They might think it's a strange occupation or I've got a morbid fascination with death or something. And I don't know, I think it is a bit frustrating at times because I just think, well, no, I'm just a normal person and I'm passionate about what I do and I dunno. It's challenging at times. I feel like people do have this perception that I'm going to be an old man or something or an old lady. It is, no, no. There's young funeral directors, there's lots of young funeral directors and they're very passionate about what they do.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
And here in the United States, there's definitely a shift toward a more diverse group of people going into funeral service. Here, it's recent college graduates are 70% women and more than 20% people of color. So we're seeing the profession shift quite a bit here as far as demographics go.
So here in the United States, folks are likely to know you because you were a participant in the reality show. Love is Blind UK and in case some of our listeners aren't familiar with the program, the concept is that a group of men and a group of women get to know each other in pairs without seeing each other in person. When a couple feels connected, they become engaged, finally see each other in person and then go on to decide if they would like to get married. It was a really fun show to watch and I won't give away any spoilers, but was the show a good experience for you?
FREDDIE POWELL:
(laughter) Yeah, overall it was an amazing experience. It's something that I'm very proud to have been a part of. It taught me a lot about myself. I discovered a lot about myself and maybe things that what I'd like in a person or what I can provide for a person, what values I like and what values I can provide for somebody else. It taught me about being vulnerable and understanding that it is okay to be open with somebody that you feel comfortable with. And also it taught me new ways of communicating with other people. I'd say through the experience of, I'd say I'm more competent with dealing with certain people or maybe strengthening relationships. But yeah, overall I'd say I'm very happy that I took part in it. And I mean, without giving too much away, I don't want to give too much away, but if nobody's seen it, but everyone's journey was kind of individual and everyone's taken from it, different sort of things. But for me overall, I think self-discovery, learning about myself, understanding my vulnerabilities and what I complied to a person.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
I can definitely see where it did require a great deal of being willing to be vulnerable in order to move through that process because it is obviously very different from any other dating process I'm sure that you've done in the past.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
How do you think the women on the show may have envisioned you knowing you are a funeral director, but not being able to see you? And what was their reaction when you told them you're a funeral director? I saw some of the responses, but I'd like to hear it from you.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah, I think that they probably just assumed I was emotionless. I had some lack of emotions, which is really misleading. The absolute total opposite. They probably felt I was a good communicator because I feel like that's something that you need to have within this sort of role. They probably assumed I was gloomy a bit morbid, old fashioned maybe. And it's just all these sort of stereotypical kind of opinions and views about the role. And I dunno, I like to think that I, I kind of demonstrate that everyone's different. I'm a young funeral director, but we have young males, we have young ladies, we have older people, people with children, people with different ethnicities, different religions. It's just, I dunno, everyone's perception is maybe like an old man or something. That's just not the case at all. Not the case at all.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Right. So you opened up some eyes. That's pretty great. So here's a tiny spoiler. You ended up pursuing a relationship with Catherine and one of the more controversial or eyebrow raising scenes in the show was when you asked if she'd be willing to do a prenup. And I saw another interview where you talked about thinking it was important to do so because you had known Catherine for a pretty short amount of time, but here's the funeral service spin on it. I also know that funeral directors believe in the importance of pre-planning and that you've probably seen your share of families where maybe they should have had a prenup or maybe they should have preplanned the funeral. And because they didn't, it caused rifts. Have you seen that and can you give us some examples?
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah, of course. I think that, first of all, I think that putting something in place is really important. Having a discussion with your family about, obviously it's a topic that nobody likes to talk about. It's quite a taboo subject death, and I feel like we should be more open about it. It is inevitable and it's going to happen to all of us. And I think through having discussions with your family and putting things in place, it just gives clarity on situations. And the discussion I had with regards with I was to pass away or after marriage having a prenup in place, it was more of peace of mind knowing that my family are going to be safe and my assets are going to distributed how I want them. Obviously due to the fact I haven't known her very long. But yeah, I think it's really important. But in terms of putting a will in place and things like that are, I see it all the time arranging funerals with family members and just disputes his arguments and who's got the rights for that person's money. Cause it causes a lot of problems. And I think if there's, there's clarity on that prior to funeral arrangements, it would probably prevent a lot of issues, I'd say.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Right. Totally agree. And it was very apparent in the show how important your family is to you and why you would want to protect that.
You definitely don't fit the stereotype of what a funeral director is, at least not here in the United States. Do you think your visibility and participation in love is Blind UK is helping to dispel some of the stereotypes and myths about funeral service and how do you see that happening?
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah, sure. I feel like I always speak very highly of my role and I'm very proud of what I do and the team that I work with, I'm very, very proud of all those. And I think we provide an amazing service to people during the most challenging times in their lives and to different communities. And I feel like hopefully I have inspired people to kind of look at the funeral industry as a potential role, maybe consider that because like I say, literally it's so diverse and there's lots of different ages and sexes. It's not just your stereotypical thing that you can imagine. It's lots of different people. And I feel like hopefully I have spread a little bit of awareness in our field, which could give a bit of enthusiasm to other people coming through and being more open to the idea.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
And I think that carries over to the US as well. I think the people who watch the program in the US will think about funeral directors differently as well. What did your colleagues think about your participation in the show?
FREDDIE POWELL:
My colleagues have been very supportive. They always are. I think we've got such a strong bond, and I feel like working in this industry, it does create a more like a family rather than just work friends. It's kind of more like a family and things we deal with are very emotional and we can have ups and downs, obviously. We do have our days where we can have a laugh and there's a good balance, but you do at times take things home and you have to have your work colleagues to bounce off and bring you back up again. And they've been very supportive and everyone's given me so many kind words. And yeah, I feel very proud to have represented the funeral industry and the support I've had has been amazing.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
That's wonderful. And you're alluding to the fact that funeral service can be a very stressful career and that it's a important to have balance in your life. In the show, you mentioned that you go to the gym twice a day. Is that part of your work-life balance? And how do you work that into what I presume is a pretty busy and unpredictable schedule?
FREDDIE POWELL:
So yeah, I do. It makes me laugh. I do go to the gym twice a day. However, it is all, obviously, working in the funeral industry is unpredictable. You can be working long hours, you can get called out. How I manage my day is I'll split my gym routine into two. So I'll do half an hour in the morning before I start work. So I'll say half past six, quarter up past six, I'll do half an hour and then I'll do another half an hour in the evening or 45 minutes in the evening. Otherwise I'm spending too long in the gym in the evening, I'm doing an hour and a half and can't be bothered. I just want to go home. So yeah, it is just in case trying to fit it in. I mean, if I don't have time to do two sessions in one day, then that's fine. But generally I always do try and squeeze two in.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
So the schedule can be a challenge. What other challenges do you experience being a funeral professional?
FREDDIE POWELL:
I'd say working in the funeral industry, there is an emotional strain. I think that you're dealing with families during an extremely emotional time in their lives, and it is only natural you are going to take that home with you as well. At times you can try your best to leave things at work, but you've had a draining day. Or if you're dealing with something sentimental, it can be hard. And from my experience, everybody's different. And everyone that I work with has got their own sort of emotional strains. So for me, dealing with somebody, looking after somebody who has down syndrome, for me, I find that very hard and that's something that I kind of keep to myself. But I do think about it afterwards and I'll go home and think about it. And it is hard, but the support that we have is amazing and the positives and the love that we have outweigh the sort of challenges that we sort of face.
But I'd say that's probably one of the biggest challenges for me is the emotional strain. Obviously the work-life balance, it can be unpredictable. You might have plans and then they might get canceled because you've got a family to look after. But again, the satisfaction and the love that you get off the family, the job satisfaction, supporting the family, it kind of outweighs the disappointment of having to cancel your meal with your friends. And they're not people's perception. I'd say that's another challenge. People think you're just going to be morbid and gloomy and a depressing person, which is just not the case at all. I'm outside work, I'm silly, I'm never serious. I'm always joking. I've got a lot of energy and the polar opposite. But yeah, and also another challenge is probably dealing, I mean, especially where I work, we have a lot of different culture. It's very diverse and kind of understanding the cultural sensitivity of each different funeral. Every religion has got different expectations and it's kind of understanding that, and obviously you never want to do anything wrong. So yeah, there's lots of challenges, but they're all outweighed by the positives.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
And that's what I hear repeatedly from funeral directors here as well, that it is a calling and that ultimately those rewards make it all worthwhile. You talked a little bit about different cultures and how you adapt funerals for those cultures. Have you directed any services that you felt were particularly unique or special? And do you think funerals in the UK are much different from funerals in the United States?
FREDDIE POWELL:
I mean, I can't really speak for funerals in the US because I've not really had much dealings, but in the UK it's very, very traditional, quite old fashioned. We have a lot of horse and carriages. Our attire is very traditional tails, cane, top hat. But yeah, I can't really speak for the US. I presume it's going to be very similar, but I'm not too sure on that one.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
So here in the US we have the traditional funerals, but then we also have celebrations of life that are more festive and more of a celebration atmosphere, maybe even a party atmosphere. Okay. Do you see any of that in the UK?
FREDDIE POWELL:
In the UK traditionally, we have lots of different types of funerals. Obviously we have burials, cremations, we also have, I don't know whether you do this in the states, I presume you do, but we'll have direct cremations, which are unattended funerals and not start them or in place for family members or deceased that wanted less force. But yeah, traditionally how we operate is we'll have a funeral service, which will be held roughly about an hour, and that'll be a celebration of life. You may have music or videos of the loved one who's passed away, and then you'll have a minister who will conduct the service for us. And following this, we'll have a, generally you'd have a celebration, so maybe like a little party or something just to share fond memories of that person.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
So that does sound similar to the United States. We might have fewer horses and carriages, although some cultures in the United States still do that, but the traditional part of it does sound similar. Since you didn't come from a family of funeral directors, I imagine a lot was new to you. Was there anything in particular that really surprised you when you first became a funeral director?
FREDDIE POWELL:
To be honest, I mean, I wouldn't say that I was really phased by much. There's nothing that phased me or surprised me as such. What I would say is, and I always feel weird saying this, I always feel strange saying this, but since being in the role, it's kind of given me, it's made me feel more content with the idea that one day I will pass away, or one day one of my loved ones will pass away. And obviously that's something that I don't want to think about, but it is inevitable and it will happen. But it's given me more comfort because I understand now that my body or my loved one's body will be respected and it'll be very dignified and my family will be supported. And I feel like that's given me a lot of comfort. So I'd definitely say that that's something that I didn't realize that I've learned from the job role.
But yeah, I'd say overall I've learned a lot. And I didn't realize just how kind of a relationship you build with your families that you're looking after. Every family is individual, every family is different, and no two funerals are the same. And they feel like you really build a deep connection with your family that you are caring for. And it's not just on the funeral. You might see them again in the, I don't know, going for your groceries a year later, but they'll remember your face. And it's just really nice, the lasting impact that you can provide to somebody, to a family. So yeah, I didn't realize prior to being a funeral director, just how much of an impact you can have on family's lives.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
It sounds incredibly rewarding, and it does sound like you are in the perfect career. I have a couple more questions for you. We're going to switch gears just a little bit. I ask all of my guests these questions. If you could have dinner with one famous dead person, who would it be and why?
FREDDIE POWELL:
I think that who I'd probably pick is probably because of my mom. My mom, mom was always a massive Marilyn Monroe fan. She loved her. She idolized her as being a kind of blonde bombshell in what she represented for women. And I feel like she's a good role model at the time. And I dunno, I think that her appeal and how she presented herself, I feel, yeah, I think she had troubles in her life and I feel like her life is very public at the time, and there's a lot of attention to her. And I dunno, I just feel like she's got a story to tell. And yeah, I just think she's somebody that, I dunno, a very interesting person.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
That's wonderful. I don't think I've had anyone answer with the name of a person who is in tribute to another loved one, so that's really beautiful.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah. Well, also there's a lot of, with her passing as well, it was very controversial. And I'm all for conspiracies, so I had like to know, I'd like to know a little bit more about her in her life. And yeah, it'd be interesting if there was ever, as daft as it sounds, if there ever an opportunity to speak to somebody, it'd probably be her. Yeah, I'd say. And then I could give my mom some clarity on things because my mom loves conspiracies and things, so I'll be able to clear some things up further.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Oh, there you go. There you go. You could give her the real scoop. The other question is, who are you remembering today?
FREDDIE POWELL:
Today? I mean, as I have, well, always probably my nana, my grandma. So she passed away just a couple of months ago. She was 103, so 103 year old. So she's had an amazingly long life, so I'm very fortunate. But yeah, she'll always be really important person in my life and somebody that I love very daily and always will. So yeah, I'm thinking of her today.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Oh, that is lovely. And I am sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you really had a wonderful relationship with her and that she probably contributed a lot to your life
FREDDIE POWELL:
That way. She did. Yeah.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Well, thank you so much, Freddie, for joining me today. It was really fun to learn more about funeral service in the UK and your role on Love is Blind UK and how those two worlds have intertwined because they are very different worlds from each other.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah, it's quite strange, isn't it? You wouldn't assume a funeral director on Love is Blind, but that's what, and it's definitely different. But yeah, hopefully we'll see more funeral directors doing things like that.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
I think that would be great. Dispel a few more of the stereotypes that your regular people who have regular lives. Yeah, I think that'd great.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Absolutely. Absolutely. And I love following funeral directors and on social media and seeing, I think it's really interesting. I think it's really interesting. And just seeing what their lives are like, and especially in America as well. I've been watching a lot of following, watching a lot of funeral directors in America and seeing how things differ. But yeah, I'd like to know more about how things will operate in the States compared to the UK. I know it's very different, but yeah, it's really interesting. Definitely.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Well, we'll have to do an exchange at some point, and you can come visit us and we'll send some funeral directors over to visit you.
FREDDIE POWELL:
Yeah, of course. Yeah, you're welcome.
GAIL MARQUARDT:
Well, again, thank you so much for joining me today. Really appreciate it. To learn more about what funeral directors do, or to learn more about a career and funeral service visit remembering a life.com/careers.