Most people are familiar with reasons to have a traditional will – to save your survivors time and money as they settle your estate, prevent infighting, and most importantly, be sure your wishes are followed when it comes to the disbursement of your assets. Ethical wills, which are gaining in popularity, are a separate document with a different purpose. Unlike a traditional will, an ethical will is not designed to prevent discord among your family or prevent costly legal battles as your estate is settled. It is a personal, not legal, document that is not related to your material estate in any sense. However, in some ways, ethical wills may be just as valuable and have greater meaning for your survivors. Let's take a look at what they are, why you might want to create one, and how to do so.

What Is an Ethical Will?

Ethical wills can take many forms, but their essence is to pass down your earned life lessons and philosophies, as well as any vital information your survivors might need to know (which can include specific medical data). They are written to enrich the lives of those who survive you. An ethical will could consist of your autobiography, a list of your favorite quotes and sayings and why you love them, a family history, or a collection of important life lessons you've learned. It could also include a list of values you would like to pass on or a list of family traditions that you would like to preserve.

Before you ask why anyone would be interested in your life and your philosophies, let’s look at the field of genealogy, which has exploded in recent years. In the early part of the 20th century, interest in genealogy was primarily centered in the Mormon religion, who perform rituals and rites on the deceased (such as posthumous baptism). In 1894, the Mormon Church formed the Genealogical Society of Utah and created a research library. This library evolved into what is now known as FamilySearch, where much of the genealogical research in the United States and Europe is conducted. It is open to all and is free.

After its formation, the library grew in popularity among both Mormon and non-Mormon amateur genealogists. As the internet grew, genealogical searches transitioned online with the creation of Ancestry.com (established in 1996) and other genealogical databases and tools. By 2000, over 60% of Americans were diving into exploring their family trees. (Harvard Business School, 2023).

What accounts for this growing interest in family history? "The pursuit of family history became how a broader, multicultural swath of Americans could understand themselves and their ancestors…[we] search out of a sense of rootlessness. Time and assimilation have stripped their families of the customs, language, and foods of the past…”, writes author Libby Copeland in Psychology Today. Quite literally, we are losing touch with our origin stories. The individualistic society we now find ourselves a part of has, in some ways, stripped us of a sense of belonging.

This is where you come in. Your descendants will want to know about you – life lessons you've learned, important stories from your life, traditions they can carry on. But it won't only benefit them – engaging in the creation of an ethical will has real benefits for you as well. It can provide a deep sense of belonging and connection, both for you and for your loved ones. It can also help you realize that your life has had meaning.

The process of writing and creating an ethical will echoes that of engaging in a life review. A 2018 study in the International Journal of Community-Based Nursing and Midwifery echoed findings from an article published by Social Work Today, which states, "Therapeutic results from life review include reduced depression, increased life satisfaction, self-acceptance, bonding, catharsis, and reconnecting with family and friends.”  The act of reviewing both mistakes and achievements helps us realize that we've made an impact on the world and those we love. Because our brains have a negativity bias, we tend to automatically focus on things we've done wrong or areas where we feel we could have improved, rather than recognizing our accomplishments as equally important. This process can bring comfort and peace.

Ethical wills can take many forms. You could:

  • Write your autobiography, including an obituary for yourself if you are drawn to this (and your survivors will be grateful to be able to share your own words with others)
  • Engage in guided writing through a series of prompts (searching "life review prompts" will lead you to several websites, both free and fee-based)
  • Make a list of important lessons you feel you’ve learned in your life so far
  • Make a list of values you would like to pass on
  • Make a list of family traditions, both old and new. It would be nice to include family recipes in this as well.

Whatever way you decide to begin this process, be prepared for a variety of emotions as you create your ethical will. As you examine your life and traditions, you may also discover that you are revising existing narratives you've held about yourself. For instance, if you've always blamed yourself for something, upon reflecting on that incident within the broader context of your life, you may realize that it would not have been realistically possible for you to act any other way. This process of self-reflection and growth can be both inspiring and motivating for you and your loved ones.

You can store your ethical will with your traditional will or share it now with those you love. You can even talk about it collectively over dinner – you may find areas that you'd like to expand, or that your loved ones want more detail about. You can include your ethical will in your yearly review of your advance planning documents, as well, and continue to add to it through the years. Leaving an ethical will for your survivors is a beautiful gift to them – one they will appreciate and pass down to their heirs, while also serving as a wonderful reflective tool for yourself.

July 2025