In a previous blog post, (Gen Z Is Bringing Back the Traditional Funeral), we explored how Gen Z is interested in bringing back more traditional funeral and burial practices. Their leanings include a renewed interest in wakes and viewings, which had become less common as cremation grew in popularity and memorial services held weeks or months after the death grew more common. Many people had moved away from formal services with the body present, and viewings became less common. Now, Gen Z is starting to reconsider these traditions as they think about their own mortality and that of their loved ones. Beyond personal preference, there are several reasons to consider a viewing—whether at a funeral home, at home, or in a place of worship—some of which may surprise you.
First and most importantly, seeing the body of a loved one helps us accept that they are really gone. Even though it can be hard, facing this reality with friends and family can make the pain a little easier. Funerals are important rituals that help us begin to accept the loss and start moving forward, supported by the community. Having a memorial service at a later date, while it does allow more time to plan (which may be very important to some), can also postpone actually coming to terms with the reality of the death. When you have a viewing, out of necessity, you must face things earlier. Putting significant time between the death and the memorial can lead to a sense of unreality and perhaps a little bit of denial. For some families, this may be appropriate, but others may want something more immediate; a viewing actually will necessitate that.
Research also shows that having a viewing can help people as they grieve. William Worden, a well-known grief expert, says: “Seeing the body of the deceased person helps to bring home the reality and finality of death. In this way, the funeral service can be a strong asset in helping the survivors work through the first task of grief.” Bill Hoy, who has written extensively about grief and funerals, adds: “All evidence suggests that seeing the body of the dead person is an important part of the adjustment process: it provides an opportunity to see and become familiar with the realities of death; it is an opportunity to see and touch, for the last tenderness, for the last good-bye; perhaps to hold the dearly loved one for the last time.” As you weigh your options, these expert opinions might be something you’d like to consider.
Another reason to potentially consider a viewing is if your loved one passed away after a long illness or in a traumatic way. In these situations, embalming and restoration—something your funeral director can explain in depth to you—can help your loved one look peaceful and free from recent suffering. While we often remember people through photos, a long illness can leave us with lasting images of pain and suffering. Restoration does not mean making someone look unnatural; they can be helped to look peaceful and at rest. This can be comforting, especially for those who have not seen the person in a long time or for family who were with them at the end during periods of suffering.
Similarly, when someone dies in a traumatic way, our imagination can sometimes make things seem worse than they are. After a train crash in Australia in 1997 that killed 89 people, many grieving families chose to view their loved ones. They found that seeing the body actually helped them accept the loss. One person said, “No amount of disfigurement could be as bad as my fantasies of how he looked.” Our minds can definitely run wild in situations like this and a viewing with restoration offers a concrete alternative image to our mind’s worst fears and projections. The funeral industry refers to the “last memory picture” to describe the benefits of a viewing in circumstances such as these.
If you are thinking about having a viewing, there are different options like cosmetizing or embalming. Each supports a viewing, but the timing may be different. Your funeral director can explain these choices and help you decide what works best for your individual situation. You can have a viewing at a funeral home, your own home, or at a place of worship (there may be particular guidelines for these; so check with the clergy). For some families, especially those who elect home viewings, helping to prepare the body is preferred and there are many ways to do this depending your desired level of participation. Your funeral director will guide you in making these choices, from the preparation to the actual viewing itself.
As you weigh your options, consider your and your family’s own personal circumstances. Not everyone is in danger of denying the reality of the loss or at risk for an extended grieving experience, but you may still want a viewing for those coming in from out of town or who have not seen the deceased in a while. Your loved one may also have preferences either way and this would be an important conversation to have as you are discussing end-of-life planning. A viewing is an option to consider for various reasons. As always, your funeral director is your ally here. They can discuss all possibilities with you and help you decide on final arrangements.
